Where’s The F***in Taxi? C**t

Written by:

Mark E Smith, Ed Blaney, Les Fisher, Brian Fanning

Initial Release:

Rude All The Time CD

Date:

28 February 2005

Group line-up on first recording:

Mark E Smith – vocals Ed Blaney – vocals; Brian Fanning – vocals; Les Fisher – vocals (plus acoustic guitar played by someone present during the recording)

Subsequent releases:

Are You Are Missing Winner,

Commentary:

One of the group’s more notorious tracks, this is a recording of a drunken conversation between MES, Ed Blaney and a couple of others over a taxi which somehow fails to arrive.   There’s no music as such except for an acoustic guitar lazily strummed from time to time.

An attempt to transcribe the conversation:

…me arms me head me arm’s up above me head look at me eyes do you think I’d would lies…look at me eyes man…I don’t have any drink in the our house about a third of a bottle of…wine…mine…had this the other week you know…Brian sat here the other week…and you come back with wine…fucking Bailey’s everything…you…Monday…Friday…walk…bottle of wine…right now…well I’ve got to get home…hang on…the fucking taxi firm won’t come out here…so what’s the fucking all the panic…right you’re fucked you’re fucked basically…there must be a fucking cab that goes from your (home?) to fucking Prestwich…Eccles…sure (John?) does anyone know…(fives?) get here in a row…what’s your address? 16…mini cabs…what’s the fucking number cunt?…7 8 9 all the fives 7 8 9 all the fives… 7 8 9 16 double 8…7 8 9 all the fives…7 8 9 all the fives 7 8 9 all the fives he said 7 8 9 all the fives 7 8 9 all the fives yeah it’s 7 8 9 all the fives Brian Fanning’s the best… finished the (E?) man 16…but this is 19 in’t it…ring it up…come on Brian get that (line?) Ed..get that fucking (line?)….rings up…I can’t walk down any corridor……song…number before he gets… this is my best mate man one of me best mates…sorted inside…7 8 9…do you want to go to (shop?) for tea bags…

I know you need it needing it when you wake up shaking…you got…I drink to get into it not to get out of it…you got…it’s a different…group…Lesley you fucking…Brian you not even (lighted?) it…give it here can’t you behave yourself…fucking…last night…for the simple reason…we’re not on tour in the north we’re not on tour until next Monday…that’s it Brian pass that now get your head down

…there it is…you can’t you can’t fucking handle it really…look at that…at last…it’s full of tobacco…it’s very…it’s very… a lot lighter…in our hotel tonight…yeah…when we get in the…we played for the hotel all night…bring it down…Brian a merchandise…we’ve got in all in his…and the fucking…we’ll cop him for everything I don’t exist…I know you don’t …you…I’m trying to run away…Brian…3 nights…if I ever see him again I’ll hit him with a fucking big hurling stick.night out in Norwich..not Oxford…this old…in Oxford…fucking hell…going to be in there with a t-shirt…I need a credit card…I don’t …(football?)…from London

.Who’s taken the string off Brian?…that’s how (I liked it?)…Brian…take the string off…got the 6 on there…on there haven’t they yeah well the other..